At the end of every year, most people reflect on what went right and wrong over the course of the year and look forward to making lasting, positive changes during the upcoming year.
Unfortunately, most people fail at these resolutions—sometimes within days even. Instead of “resolutions” or even “goals”, words that seem to have lost some of their “power”, we focus on making decisions. There is much more to come on our site about this important distinction but for now, let’s just stick to “decide”.
Over the next couple of weeks, we’ll suggest some changes that can help you to have more love, more peace, and more happiness in your marriage no matter the date. This stuff works equally well on January 1st or July 17th or October 31st. You can decide to make these changes at any time of the year.
It’s probably safe to say that when there are marriage problems, most people find fault with their spouse and many never take responsibility for the part they played in causing the trouble.
A few examples follow:
- If she wouldn’t have gained weight, I would still be attracted to her.
- If he hadn’t had an affair I would be more intimate with him.
- If she would stop nagging me all day long every day I wouldn’t get so angry all the time.
- If he would be a real man and get a real job, I’d respect him more.
- If she would have more sex, I’d give her what she wanted.
The examples are unlimited. And unfortunately, they represent the kinds of blame, criticism, and negativity that affects many marriages.
To make this year better for both you and your spouse, consider making a decision to Become Mr. or Mrs. Right and stay that way.
Here are a few ideas to get you started:
1. Take the Revive Your Marriage Profile & Assessment. The 25 items are all about becoming your best self and treating your spouse the right way. In the process, you build love. Work to improve your scores over time. Even though you can make changes immediately, you really need to make this a lifelong project.
2. Look at all the things your spouse does that makes you angry, unhappy, or otherwise not feel so close to them. Maybe it’s their grooming or the way they handle money or their sex techniques or their bad habits.
Whatever the issues are, take an honest look at yourself to make sure that you are not being hypocritical. In other words, make sure that you don’t have the same or similar problems as those you don’t like.
Maybe he needs to lose weight but how can you improve in the physical fitness or health area? Maybe she needs to stop cursing so much but what do you need to do with how you interact with others? Maybe she needs to get a job but what do you need to do to save money or increase your income?
Be honest with yourself. And lay off the criticism or negative feelings because none of us are perfect. All of us can improve. You can start by committing to do everything you can to evolve into your full potential as an individual and as a spouse.
3. Think for just a moment about what your idea of a “perfect” man or woman is. (Hopefully, this is your spouse!) What is their financial situation? How are their looks? How do they treat others? How do they dress? What kind of work do they do? What are the character traits that make you feel they are perfect for you?
Now, take these items one-by-one and ask how you fit the mold if your spouse has the same standards you do. Can you match up?
While no one is perfect, doing this exercise may help you to see what you need to change.
4. Remember that being Mr. or Mrs. Right involves things we do such as earning a living, exercising, telling our spouse we love them, and cleaning up after selves. But, it also includes who we are and what we are. This includes character traits such as having a positive attitude, confidence, work ethic, and honesty. If these character traits aren’t in place, the things we do won’t have as much positive, long-lasting effect.
For example, giving gifts to our spouse can help us build the love between us and would be a good thing normally. But if we get those gifts dishonestly or go into debt (which will negatively affect our monthly budget), or we are re-gifting a gift our outside lover gave us, it’s not so good anymore.
5. Whatever you do, get started in your quest to evolve into your highest potential and don’t quit. While it’s true that we can only do what we can, most of us live far below our potential. Perfection isn’t the goal, excellence is. Being the one that turns your spouse on every day is. Becoming irresistible is.
For example, I’ll never look like a model but there is a lot I can do with what I have. I’ll never be the world’s richest man, a star athlete, or the president of the United States. But I can do much more than I am now.
You can too! Don’t delay your change one more day—start now to become Mr. or Mrs. Right!