Even though we believe that the Revive Your Marriage 30-Day Challenge is one of the very best ways to help turn almost any bad marriage situation around, there are some people who aren’t a good fit and probably shouldn’t join. Are you one of them?
If you fit into any of these two categories, please don’t join – it won’t work for you.
1. You are lazy. Look, nothing good happens without work. You can’t lose weight and keep it off without work. You can’t build a great business without work. You can’t raise wonderful children without work. And, you can’t have a happy, loving, long-lasting marriage without work.
We can’t do the work for you – it would be awkward. ?We can’t kiss your husband goodnight and thank him for all he does for your family. We can’t take your wife out for a night on the town that she’ll remember forever. We can’t hold your spouse tight as we tell them how much they mean to us and how we’d be lost without them. We can’t apologize for your bad behavior last week on your date night. We can’t say “I’m sorry” for neglecting your spouse’s needs.
You have to do that. And you have to do all the other things required to keep the love going in your marriage and you have to be consistent about it.
For example, you can’t tell your spouse you love him or her once and be done. You have to do it many times. Maybe thousands and thousands and thousands of times over the years. Telling them once a day for 50 years = 18,250 times. The same goes for opening the door, smiling, giving gifts, showing appreciation, helping in the house, or whatever you need to do for your marriage.
As far as the work required for the challenge, every day you will have assignments and so not only should you do those assignments but you should also keep doing the previous day’s assignments. We said it was simple, and it is. But it’s not for people not willing to do the work. So, please don’t join if you are lazy. You won’t succeed with the program.
2. You think you know it all. Some responses to feedback we’ve received have been along the lines of “great!”, “has great potential to really turn marriages around”, “wow, people get all that just for giving their email address?”, “when is the next challenge going to be out? – I can’t wait to get started.”
And some are more along the lines of “I already knew that”, “that’s common sense”, etc.
Over the next few weeks, we will be sharing more about exactly how our program helps to save marriages including in-depth explanations of some of our unique features and benefits. But for now let us say if you think you know it all please don’t join – it won’t work for you.
It won’t work because you think you know it all. But, in our experience, many times those that think they know it all are also those that don’t do what they say they know.
You need to be humble and teachable. If your marriage is not where it should be, there are reasons for that. We can help in the great majority of cases but we can’t if you don’t let us. And if you know it all, you won’t let us.
Sure, you may join but you won’t do the work. But, you know it all and may feel the kinds of things we teach haven’t worked before and you doubt they will work now. So, you complain that you already know all this instead of doing what’s necessary to turn your marriage around.
The ironic thing is that many of the “already know that” crowd are also skimmers and between skimming content and their attitude, they miss the unique, “secrets” that really can save their marriage.
As with most things in life, saving a marriage can be simple. In fact, we can outline the major steps to saving or building a marriage like this:
- Become Mr. or Mrs. Right (Do the simple things that make us attractive to our spouse for a lifetime.)
- Fall in Love Again (And again, and again, and again, and again. Love is key to a happy, lasting marriage and it must be constantly expressed in word and action.)
- Stop Hurting Each Other (Simple, right? Just stop with the anger and the criticism and the hurtful jokes and everything else we are doing that causes our spouse to be unhappy.)
- Resolve Common Problems (Life and marriage are full of them but being married causes simple problems to become more complex. Now, we have to deal with finances for two people, and in-laws, and agree on how to raise the children and all kinds of situations.)
Most everything we teach is found in these four foundational categories. Helping people to do these things in their daily lives is how we help them to save their marriages. Simple.
When you get serious about saving and building your marriage, come back and let us know. We’ll welcome you with open arms if you put your know it all attitude to the side and are ready to learn and do the things we teach — both the simple, common sense things and the ones unique to us – not found in any other marriage saving program.
Oh, and by the way. The know it all attitude probably isn’t helping your marriage. If you don’t change, we may not be the only one telling you that you aren’t welcome anymore.
Those two categories sum up the tire kicking, uncommitted, unwilling to change, unteachable, people that won’t succeed with our program or any program without change.
However, if you feel like what we offer doesn’t meet your needs but you are willing to try something because your marriage needs help, please look into some of the other marriage building resources available. Try to save your marriage – even if you don’t use our material.
Now, let’s be clear. If you are having marriage trouble, we hope you let us help you. But, you’ve got be willing to do the work and you’ve got to have the right attitude. If you’ve tried doing X before and it didn’t work the way you think it should have, try something else. What have you got to lose?