Published on November 6, 2018 and Last Updated on February 16, 2019

Within the last couple of weeks, I (Mark) was updating some content for the Evolving Marriages program. Specifically, I was working on some training about how to handle conflicts.

Then, it happened. I got into a little tiff with my wife. I forget what it was about or who was at fault or who started it. At the time, though, it seemed important enough to fight about. She was mad. I was mad. And, it could have easily escalated into one of those all-day affairs if I let it.

But something reminded me of what I was doing when the problem started. I was writing about how to build, improve, and save marriages on a website I charge people to access. What a hypocrite!

So, what did I do? I swallowed hard and tried to live what I was preaching.

First, I answered with humor on her next “attack.” That didn’t work and in fact, she got even angrier!

So, I tried it again. This time she was more accepting. Maybe it wasn’t the humor but the fact that I was refusing to fight back. I wasn’t adding fuel to her flames.

A “weird” thing happened after my second attempt to live by what I was writing. She quit fighting. She went back to doing whatever she was doing before the conflict started. And, just like that, it was over.

A couple of things I was again reminded of from this argument. I already knew what to do but sometimes we have to learn and relearn things before it all sinks in. And, no matter who you are or what you know, it takes self-discipline and commitment to apply what we know we should do in our everyday lives.

1. Most fights are over silly things. Think back to your last fight. While it may have been about something serious like a recently discovered affair, it is just as likely to be about something “important” like whether a pen is red or pink or why you didn’t tighten the lid on the sugar when you used it last.

2. Fights are going to happen. It’s part of life and marriage. But we can learn specific techniques and gain insights into how to reduce their severity. That’s one of the key points of the training we provide in the Evolving Marriages program. We hope that you learn and apply the simple techniques we teach that can help your relationship to be more loving, less judgmental, and avoid letting arguments get out of control. Why not give it a try?

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